Written on Water

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http://missrumor.blogbus.com/logs/48976348.html

"他们已经用自己的青春，谱写了一段可能超过爱情的诗篇"。

——某聽衆論飛魚秀之兩位搭檔結婚之可能性 ORZzzzzzzzz

想起我六月的時候曾經想就這個寫個原創來的，後來又放棄了。因爲樹袋熊和袋鼠遠遠比一篇不能貼到任何論壇(因爲貼上去的話是人都知道我在寫啥了)的原創文要令我有動力的多。

在想要不要做個測試，試驗一下用繁體字和簡體字寫的日誌在瀏覽量上有無significant difference。

以上全部都是廢話。

我只能說，唯一的娛樂時間成了早上去學校路上步行可以聼飛魚秀20分鐘，於是三天的節目我估計要聼兩個禮拜多。嗯。其實已經很久沒聼了，最近才翻出 今年10月的一些節目來。好像跟那個世界越來越遠。以前在香港的時候還能常常一邊聼一邊回憶起北京或者上海的種種(北京的成分多些), 現在已經完全想象不能。

這些天來我一直在問自己一個問題，where has my life gone? For life, here I don't mean the whole life, because I'm still here, alive. Instead, I'm talking about the thing I've been wondering ever since two or three years ago. If I've got to be in the academia, then, what is my life? does it mean endless paper-generating, or book/artile reading, probing into a certain area and never being able to get back? 24-hour, 7-day, every minute, probably even haunted while sleeping?

Things were not that bad before, when I was in HK, or even last year. So i'm wondering, how come? is it because of the workload for each course? Not necessarily so. I've been getting through even worse situation during my first M.Phil semester in HK. Then why? Life is not supposed to be boring, to be anything but ideas, and research. I don't want anybody looking at me saying that "you have a researcher's look" (which did happen a few days ago and made me so sad). What IS WRONG with doing research? Does a researcher achieve his or her goal at the expense of the "life"? Why people (even those who identify themselves as "researchers") look at me in that way? I haven't done anything wrong by choosing research as my career, so WHAT IS WRONG?

I do not hate what I do. I really enjoy that. I just want to get my life back, at the same time. A career is a career, it is not everything. Nobody's gonna be happy when getting haunted 24/7 by the work he or she is doing. All I want to say is that I'm just a normal human being, female, Chinese, or, whatever you're labeling me, but just don't call me a researcher! It's not a bad word, but at some point, it does have negative connotations.

No offense to other researchers. I love my job. I just want my life back.

三門課的research topic在我腦海裏打架，我都快分不清誰是誰了。該怎麽辦。